collapsing frame

Mon, 15 Jul 2002 18:35:24 GMT

this journal will no longer be updated publicly. you can take me off of your friends list or whatever, it's now private...something to help me pass these last years.

Fri, 07 Jun 2002 05:09:22 GMT

i have a sweet ass...

that is all.

Thu, 06 Jun 2002 03:17:30 GMT

you're dead;

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<small>you're dead; <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/~mymemoriesofyou"<a>love</a>!

add me, if you feel the need-if not, don't mind these words.
goodbye [come visit; don't forget that i exist]

as time passes us by.

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 06:22:06 GMT

i saw arland today. it had been a long time since i had seen him; i think he avoids a haircut like he avoids bathing, now. no no, that was harsh, though i don't know if it is untrue. he explained to me all about his journal being friend's only, and the shit that it got him into at school. he said that the principal read all about his jokes about wanting to fuck some teachers, and nathan was going to get his ass kicked by some big guys after class one day for calling janelle a bitch, or something. arland then looked at me and said, "but she is a bitch." it was funny shit, at the time. now i don't know why i laughed. i got in his car and listened to kill your idols, or something. old punk shit. hah. i wanted to break out a leather jacket and some hair glue. sadly, luke wasn't around. no no. that was mean. ~~sorry luke~~.

end; i'm going to watch a girl movie for the second time tonight, because i love it with a fucking passion//

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 05:53:24 GMT

matt is selling me the ephiphone sg for 90-100, he said. score!

stay near.

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 02:35:33 GMT

you're gone...
hopefully the busy signal will not make my ears throb next time.

might as well start my drinking days now;

Tue, 04 Jun 2002 06:33:30 GMT

as i sit here, with nothing to do, i think. think about nothing in particular; basic thoughts that run through my head everyday. i wish something would jump out and let me spill my heart and soul about it. lots of potentials; many must be kept confidential--many. so these things cannot be wrote nor spoke about with the outside world. i just wish once that i could lift up the shield that holds it all back, and just spill it all. but i'm afraid i can't do that. shock would fill everyone through and through. my heart is pounding right now. i haven't figured out why; my head is telling me two different things--do it, and don't. if i did start off, i wouldn't stop. trust me, i could type until the keys on this keyboard were no more. evaporated into my fingertips with the many mixed emotions i live with.

i'm confused in ways; what am i doing with my life right now? throwing it all away? ruining it? setting it up to be ruined in the near future? or optimism could take its toll and ask, is my life near perfect? i am confused by each of these questions. boards run through the middle, making each side have different thoughts, and not one thing can be neutral. and so it's nights like these that make me think. think think think. tomorrow when i wake, everything will be fine, and the sun will be burning my eyes; just like it was today when i awoke. don't worry, i'm fine.

i do this all of the time.

united states of the hives...

Tue, 04 Jun 2002 02:42:01 GMT

the hives played an hour when i thought they were only supposed to play for thirty minutes. beyond holy.

Mon, 03 Jun 2002 17:29:34 GMT

i believe annie needs sleeping pills from the looks of things. i told her to sleep well before she got offline last night [it was fairly early when she got offline], but i think she may have not received it. i slept fine, after i watched a bunch of re-runs of msnbc investigates on ocd and serial killer artwork collectors.

right now, i'm getting ready to go to louisville. the ride up there always sucks. i'm hungry, too.

i'm glad you liked the anniversary.

and by this time tomorrow, i'll be on my train.

Mon, 03 Jun 2002 05:35:00 GMT

i hate being lied to.
it fucked up everything, not just one little thing.
i felt stupid when she told me no, i knew you were lying when you told me about it. now, she thinks that i believe you over her. it's a colossal mess. i'm out of it. it will be hard to trust you anymore, but we can still get wasted.

truly yours;;

[done;edit]
annie is burning our constant concern, and i'm getting designing a nervous breakdown burned. we're making a trade. anyway, mates of state and the anniversary have this thing about them; they seem to me to have a similar sound, or maybe it's just the girl and keyboards. i'll never know.

[just learn from your mistakes and keep picking yourself up off of the ground. it'll be grand to learn, with all of my honesty;;]

Mon, 03 Jun 2002 03:36:34 GMT

i heard the get up kids on a local station today. oh no. my sister swears that dashboard confessional and jimmy eat world come on the radio all of the time. i wonder why weezer gets no airplay when they're kicking up the mtv air? mysterious. karly's german paintings were lovely; "pinkerton" and annie.

you taste like love.

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 23:21:12 GMT

i have a feeling that this week is going to be long; very long and stressful.

weezer is playing a festival show in japan with guns and roses. i love it. heh. rivers fits in with furry rock'n'roller's now. his guitar skills have progressed enough to be in a metal band and throw down dirty guitar solos, also.

and as of now, my habit is falling apart. i'm so happy, and iffy about the situation. i hope i don't go back, and can control myself when i do. five to go, then i'm done; only on special occasions. and i'm off to a new start...

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 23:15:16 GMT

my brother just got in trouble for saying fuck. oh fuck, that's hilarious.

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 03:23:00 GMT

happy birthday

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<small>happy birthday <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/~pipedreams"<a>pipedreams</a>.

[thank god for modification.]</small>

Sun, 02 Jun 2002 03:09:28 GMT

and it's at this age where things begin to build upon each other, and monontonous links are formed to make a chain. regrets literally choke me to death. one big regret still holds at my head, shaking me when i begin to get stupid; and it truly saves me. i never thought that things like this would grow out of control, but it bombards everyone...one subject is always the talk; always distracting others that are pleading, but no one understands. it can always feel wonderful to find something that no one else paid any attention to.

[if you don't understand--i do.]

Sat, 01 Jun 2002 17:09:44 GMT

i just got home from jordan's. i stayed there for two nights. it feels good to be home, if i only i could go back to sleep. i think it irritated jordan that i could sleep all day on a couch, when he was getting up really early. i guess he didn't want to wake me up; i wouldn't have minded because it was his house. we didn't have any adventures, nor any passing motorist rapes. we went out for like five minutes last night; we just laid on the trampoline while we were waiting to cook a pizza. i think he has to go to a wedding today. now, i'm really hungry and tired; i'm still too lazy to do either. oh well...i'll starve to death and die without any sleep.

Sat, 01 Jun 2002 02:39:53 GMT

a nice blanket of insects crawling over my skin. now we can visualize the racing thoughts throughout my head. the light is out, where is the door? i think i may as well be dead; being stuck with these unattractive lovers is not worth speaking out against, nor fucking the exterminator for.

Fri, 31 May 2002 23:40:52 GMT

jeremiah is occupied playing tony hawk with a guy skating around in a fisherman's hat. he is really enjoying himself. he is now screaming at jordan's dad to get him something to eat. very hungry kid. jordan is doing the voice-over for a documentary ['you getting on the bus motherfucker?' and 'your whole fucking ass is taking up the whole fucking bus.']

time to eat.

Fri, 31 May 2002 23:31:21 GMT

we went to the game thing last night. we sat in front of drunk guys. we mainly listened to them talk about hot nuts and jordan's dad being an umpire. good stuff...oh well--
i'm at god's house. i probably won't be home again tonight. if i am, you can thank dwayne for my ride home. [hrmmmm...only jordan and i understand that one, i do believe.]

--dwayne did me.

Thu, 30 May 2002 20:20:14 GMT

i'm ready. i just called jordan, and his dad said he was getting ready to take a shower. so, now i'm not the one who is running late! woof!

Thu, 30 May 2002 20:04:51 GMT

i'm late. i'm supposed to go to jordan's, then we're going to louisville. i thought he told me 4:30 last night, but now we're leaving at 3:30. i'm always late. fuck fuck fuck. i don't know what my plans are, if i'm staying there, or what.

FUCK!

Thu, 30 May 2002 01:00:53 GMT

i went to thomas' last night. we just sat in the house until about nine, then i had an allergic reaction from his cat. he stayed on the phone until about 11:30 with ashley. i just sat there, did my thing, and talked to her when he wanted to walk around. when we got off the phone with her, we had some fun. she then called back and proceeded to hang up on us because we weren't being nice. we just couldn't stop laughing. i was zoning in and out. i was paranoid, then excited. that went on until about five this morning.... that's all i'm saying about that; no more//

Tue, 28 May 2002 19:29:13 GMT

and yes; the day after for amanda.

i wonder what she is thinking--i sure hope she is better.
i'm leaving in an hour. tonight i will be zoned-out. all night, hopefully.

things will happen

Tue, 28 May 2002 03:39:53 GMT

hi, i'm annie.
lovejournal is feeling stressed, and is not letting patrik update.
so i will for him.

i am going to be an emo rapper.

patrik is going to be the turn-tableist.
we're going to have another band,
which consists of us playing keyboards. only keyboards.
we're also going to throw covered dish parties.

Tue, 28 May 2002 02:15:19 GMT

things never last. things are blowing up; quickly, as i see. those phone calls where you get bitched out are never fun, but yes, they're needed in times like these. hang in there; i'll pick you up off of the sidewalk, all of your body parts, too.

and tomorrow at this time, i'll be way out of it--trust me.

love, love, love.